Saved by My Big Sis

I love my Big Sis. She comes to my rescue even when she doesn’t know I need her help. There was this one time when I was in the 7th grade. Jennifer Not-So-Nicely was in the 8th grade and she decided that despite 5 years of torment and broken promises to “kick my ass,” she was going to attack me after school at the bus stop. When it was all over, I ran home with a broken hot-pink banana clip and scraped hands from being pushed to the ground and she ran to Katrina Born’s house thinking she might have a black eye. Her exact words “if I have a black eye, I’m gonna kick yer ass!”

Right.

As I got to the door of my house, Big Sis came home from school. She was a senior and VERY angry when she saw me. “Who did this?” she wanted to know. When I told her (shaking and crying cause I was terrified that I’d either get in trouble or pounced on again) she ran right over to where the girls were hanging out and gave them both an earful. It’s moments like that when you know no matter how much you fight with a sibling (and trust me, at 5 years separating us, we had our moments), you know they’ve got your back forever.

My Big Sis called this morning about 8:30 as we were heading out the door to the gym. She and her hubby decided last minute to spend the weekend in Annapolis and she wondered if we were available for dinner. Just a grown-up thing. She had NO IDEA that tonight was my 15-Year High School Reunion and that I was praying for a reason not to go – ironic, because I was one of the planners. What started as a weekend-long hoopla to attract all sorts of classmates (happy hour, family picnic, fancy-but-inexpensive dinner/dance) turned into a Happy Hour at a bar.

Ok 1) hanging out at a loud, smoky bar really isn’t my idea of fun in general… especially since I’m not much into the social drinking scene these days. And 2) My Big Sis was in town… and since we have never had an opportunity to just hang out and be sisters in who knows how long, I wanted to be with her. And I’m always up for reasons to go out with OAO. He wasn’t planning to go to the reunion with me. He’s been to the last two – and pretty much gets left by himself while I run around and talk to people that I haven’t seen in years. That’s not fun for him.

So I picked family over a group of people, many of whom I haven’t seen in 15 years and may not see for at least 5 more. I picked family over people who have ignored my previous requests to catch up over lunch or a phone call. I picked family over people who barely knew me then and probably aren’t very interested in really knowing me now.

I didn’t LOVE high school. I didn’t hate it either (although, I’m sure many of my readers have heard otherwise in recent months). But of all the years I’d love to relive, those are not included in the mix. I knew lots of people, but didn’t have my own crowd. I had a couple of good friends, but not many that are still a big part of my life. And even those few aren’t at the top of the list of people I’d run to in a crisis… they were then, but not now.

I was one of those kids too afraid to speak my truth in high school. I was so afraid of being wrong in class, that I rarely ever opened my mouth to answer questions. For sure, everyone would laugh if I didn’t respond correctly. I was one of those kids so afraid that I wouldn’t be liked that I hid myself from… myself and everyone else. Even my best friends didn’t really know what made me tick. How could they, when I didn’t know what made me tick. At the same time, I DESPERATELY wanted people to like me. Most people didn’t even know I existed (ok, they new I existed, but since I didn’t belong to any particular crowd, I was kind of a floater that could come and go with little notice).

And even thinking about going to a reunion takes me back to my high school years when I was very insecure and unsure of myself. People still manage to hang out in the specific groups and since I didn’t have a group, I’m still that floater. At least in that world.

As much as we wish our high school friends will stay our friends forever, it just isn’t the norm. Our lives go in separate directions. We grow, change, and hopefully blossom into the people we wished we could have been in high school but were too afraid to be for fear of getting laughed at. As we live life a little bit, outside of the false reality that was high school, we eventually figure out who we really are an allow ourselves stop being the person we think others want us to be.

Thank you, Big Sis, for rescuing me tonight. Tonight, I could just be me. And I had a blast. A night out with OAO and time with my Big Sis. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to go out with another couple without children. And hanging out with my Big Sis and her hubby is something that will have to happen WAY MORE OFTEN than we’ve been able to do in the past.

And as an added bonus, since I didn’t go to the reunion – and got a date night out with OAO – I’m now going to MNO with my CHC friends. Yay! When I’m with them – I can just be me… and it’s great to be me