Annie Got Her Gun

Saturday, I went skeet shooting with my husband, Brian, and a couple of his buddies. He had been once and told me great stories – and I thought it would be fun. We’ve talked on and off again about going to firing ranges just for yucks, and this was a first for me. We’ve gone into various sporting goods stores now and again to just look at guns. I look from a distance, never had any desire to pick one up myself. I’ve always had some strange hesitance to do so.

Guns can be scary if in the wrong hands. I certainly don’t have dangerous hands, but still, I don’t think I really wanted to get too close to one in the store. Even playing those silly little shooting games with the kids, I’ve always just tried to get through all the rounds and not really enjoy it. They’re not real guns anyway. If I play with a fake gun does that make me weird?

Ok, perhaps there are other reasons that make me weird

So there we are, on the range. I’m trying not to look scared or intimidated being the only chick in our group of 4… and seriously among the minority on the entire site anyway. Ironically, I got quite a rush walking around the place and getting the odd glance from big, burley men who were there with other big burley men. This is mostly a man’s place. I wondered what they were thinking: was I a bad-ass or a force to be reckoned with? Was I a wimpy girl playing dumb just for attention? Would I bat my eyes and hope a strong man would show me how the big boys do it? Or did I actually know what I was doing? Did they wonder if I would hit anything?

I did – I hoped I would hit SOMETHING!

We met this guy named Dennis – he was just looking for someone to shoot with. Who would have thought that skeet shooting could be a team sport? After all, you need someone to help give you pointers and push the all-important button to launch the skeet. He was like our free coach for the morning. Dennis was very cool.

Brian shot first – which was good, because the other three of us in our group really needed to see this skeet thing in action before we could attempt it. I went next. And WOW! What an experience. I hit my very first skeet – and it crumbled to the ground in bits. I was jazzed… and thinking, “sure, beginner’s luck.”

But then I hit the next one… POW! And what a rush! I believe it was then that I first said to Brian, “Let’s do that AGAIN” similar to the way Donkey says it to Shrek in movie 1 after they sat through the “Welcome to Dulock” song. I’m fairly certain the 4 men with me dropped their jaws in awe of what I did… hell, I was in awe of what I did. Perhaps I had some unrealized skill. I tried not to gloat.

The next time around, I got a little nervous, and hit nothing. But I didn’t care. I’d hit the first two of the day. I knew I could do it. I just needed to practice more. Besides, it’s not like I was the only one missing the targets. No one hit all of them. Being the thinker that I am, I quickly noticed something:

Life is like skeet shooting: sometimes you’re dead on target and get it right from the start. Most of the time, you have to learn from your mistakes and try again.

No one is perfect all the time – it’s what you do with the mishaps that matter. So what if you miss the mark. Readjust your aim, refocus, and try again. And remember to keep moving as you pull the trigger. Don’t stop and wait – swing and pull. Someone will always have your back and cheer your on, encouraging you to keep going.

Later that afternoon, we went to see The Bourne Ultimatum. In the trailers, we saw previews for movies that had lots of guns and gun fights. And it was there that it his me: I was never actually afraid of the gun – I was afraid of how powerful I would feel firing one… and more important, that I would like that powerful feeling.

I think I started to feel powerful after a few rounds. Brian commented that my “pull” (which is what you say when you’re ready for the skeet to launch) went from a firm, loud-enough-to-be-heard-over-the-gunshots-around-us “pull” to a deep, louder, and more confident-sounding “PULL.”

Without realizing it, I was tapping into unrealized power. Brian and I chatted about the power connection later that night. We talked about feeling powerless and how when I fired the double barrel 12 gauge shotgun, I wasn’t powerless. It was almost like I was taking back the power that I lost from whatever or whomever took it from me in the first place. We didn’t talk about specific incidents, but we talked about remembering feelings of helplessness when we were younger. I don’t know that I would have associated that feeling with events in my past on my own, but he was right: I felt helpless and powerless when I was younger. But firing that gun, I was in control, I had all the power. And I knew what to do with it. It wasn’t misguided – it was dead-on target.

It was a very empowering realization. Skeet shooting is truly the best therapy I’ve had in at least 6 months.

I like feeling powerful. I like feeling like I know what I’m doing and that even if I make a mistake it’s not the end of the world. I like that I have a network of people who want to see me succeed and will encourage me to try again.

I am powerful – and I will harness that power for greatness.